Starcraft 2 Armory

Day9's sexual misadventure

11 posts ⋅ 5,800 views

Sentry
306 posts
As a response to the question "Have you been caught jacking off" on TL, Day[9] answered (kinda old, but just popped up somewhere):

¨WTF i get caught jacking off all the time
i'm not unlucky, its just standard probability. i beat off alot. seriously, i beat off like if i keep doing it, i'm gonna win something. its only natural people will stumble in eventually
FOR EXAMPLE
so i'm on this direct flight from claremont (my college town) back to kansas city (my home town) for winter break. since its a direct 3 hour flight, its too short for them to have "in flight entertainment," but its so long that i'm gonna be bored out of my god damn mind. so, of course, i'm like "i guess i'm beating off like 5 times during this flight."
its one of those small sized slingshot airplanes that goes really fast but is really unstable and has one tiny ass cramped aisle. so i'm sitting in my anorexic bucket seat w/ my 'shitty peanuts waiting for the plane to hit a high enough altitude when i finally hear: ding "this is your captain speaking, we have reached a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet, you are now free to move about the cabin." "bink success!" i think to myself, "the time is right." of course i don't rush to the bathroom, no need for that. why not give myself a little tease. i gently, slowly unbuckle my seatbelt. I stand up, and stretch a little bit. I take a nice slow, leisurely walk to the bathroom at the back of the plane. masturbation this good deserves foreplay of its own.
i get to the bathroom, close the door, and sliiiiiide my pants on down and start working myself. oh holy LORD it's amazing. i mean, i don't know if you know this or not, but i am REALLY good at masturbating. I'm in a 2 square foot, dimly lit bathroom, but i feel so good my back is arching and my foot is cramping and i'm nearly ready to start screaming my own name.
then suddenly, TURBULENCE. AGH '%#*!. I HATE turbulence. It's not that it makes me feel sick or nauseated. turbulence makes me feel like i'm about to die. So i'm trying to jack off, and suddenly the jerk in the plane floods my body w/ adrenaline and i grab the handle in the bathroom and i'm like "OH '?$**."
do you know how hard it is to '?*$ when you feel like you're about to die??? I mean seriously, imagine jacking off while there's a guy w/ a loaded gun to your head and he's screaming "C'MON '@#* YOU '*%#*@, DO IT '#!*." You'd be shivering w/ eyes closed, tears streaming down your face as you sputter through little snot bubbles just BEGGING your @%!* to come. "please '!*$!!!" you'd weep "i wanna '@?* soooo bad!!!!!"
so there i am trying to think of every dirty thing possible so i can finally orgasm, but all that's going through my mind is "god i need to reconcile with my dad and tell my brother i love him" etc etc and while i'm distracted in a mess of standard pre-death thoughts, i don't realize that i'm about to !?$.
HOLY '@?!% i say as i fumble and try to grab some kleenex from the box on the counter. however, in my stuttered panic, i just knock the kleenex box over, hit the "stewardess help button," and i @$? directly onto the floor. still in a state of panic i'm like 'FUCKFUCKFUCK I NEED TO TURN THIS BUTTON OFF so of course i (geniusly) press it like 5 more times trying to turn this off. Naturally, the button just goes ding ding ding ding, making my situation seem all the more urgent, and i can hear the stewardess rushing to the door since i appear to be in desperate need of help.
"FOCUS SEAN FOCUS," i think, "I NEED TO HIDE MY ?$*%." so, (this is genius) i pick up the kleenex box from the floor, pull out 5 pieces of tissue, and i just lay them on top of my erection... so it looks kinda like a little $!@* tent. so, the stewardess, responding to my urgent spams of the "stewardess help button" proceeds to open the bathroom door just like i knew she was going to. She looks on the ground to see my epic protein stain, looks up at my glorious dicktent, and then you know what happens?? we make eye contact.
so she's looking at me, and i'm looking at her and in general i dislike awkward silences. however, this was an all KINDS of awkward silence, so i figured it was necessary to say something. so, i did the best i could. i look her right in the eye and say "... it is what it is..."
???? why did i say that???? what a stupid thing to say... well... i guess it's hard in that situation to "play it off cool." i can't be like "hey i know smoking isn't allowed on the plane, so do you have a stick of gum??"
so she shuts the door, and i clean myself up and spend another 3 minutes trying to clean up the mass of '#!* on the floor. even though i did a pretty good job, its damn hard to get that shine out of the laminate flooring. i'm finally done, so i open up the bathroom door to see a line of 10 or so people that's been building up since i went into the bathroom like 20 minutes ago (again, it took my a while since its difficult to $#* when you think you're about to die). I get to look across the line of all of em, and say the only sensible thing i can think of:
"for those of you going to use the bathroom, i'd make sure you're wearing shoes."
Coach ⋅ Carrier
4,771 posts
I've read this too many times every since I saw it last year. Too funny xDD
Super Moderator ⋅ Battlecruiser
6,309 posts
I remember hearing a story about day[9] in regards to his brother tasteless masturbating. In 2005, Day[9] was playing ladder matches on Brood War. This was back when day[9] and his brother tasteless was still living together in their home. Day[9] was engaged in this huge 70 minute game. His attention was intent on the game and he was even sweating by the end of the game when he won. Day[9] turned around in his chair to tell his brother that he just won an epic game, but to his surprise he saw his brother on a laptop, completely naked, and masturbating to porn. Tasteless turns and looks Day[9] in the eyes while masturbating and said, "You won? Nice job."

This is just a story I heard from a friend. Anyone know if there a source to this story? It sounds made up but yet again I can imagine tasteless doing something like that.
Sentry
306 posts
May 5th 2012, 05:59:00 Quote by stebo88
I remember hearing a story about day[9] in regards to his brother tasteless masturbating. In 2005, Day[9] was playing ladder matches on Brood War. This was back when day[9] and his brother tasteless was still living together in their home. Day[9] was engaged in this huge 70 minute game. His attention was intent on the game and he was even sweating by the end of the game when he won. Day[9] turned around in his chair to tell his brother that he just won an epic game, but to his surprise he saw his brother on a laptop, completely naked, and masturbating to porn. Tasteless turns and looks Day[9] in the eyes while masturbating and said, "You won? Nice job."

This is just a story I heard from a friend. Anyone know if there a source to this story? It sounds made up but yet again I can imagine tasteless doing something like that.


Here you go.


Day9 and brother
`DeadVessel i wish i had a twin sister
MYM|DayNine are you kidding
MYM|DayNine> nick doens't even $#*@%!*
MYM|DayNine> go in a different room
`DeadVessel> no because they know what im doing
`DeadVessel> LOL
mnm>
MYM|DayNine> he just starts jacking off
MYM|DayNine> if he feels lik eit
MYM|DayNine> like i remember over the summer
`DeadVessel> i gotta meet tasteless
mnm> brotherly love
MYM|DayNine> we set our computers up
MYM|DayNine> like 10 feet from eachother
MYM|DayNine> so i'm playing a game
MYM|DayNine> and i finish
MYM|DayNine> take off my headphones
MYM|DayNine> turn around
MYM|DayNine> and nick is like totally naked
MYM|DayNine> jacking off at his computer
MYM|DayNine> and honestly
rushz0rz> this is going in the quote thread
MYM|DayNine> if i interrupt him, he won't even be mad
mnm> lol
MYM|DayNine> i'll be like "uhh nick..."
`DeadVessel> sean can i put that in the irc thread?
MYM|DayNine> he'll turn around, *@%? in hand and genuinely ask "hey sean, how'd ur game go?"
Roach
1,211 posts
These Day[9] masturbating stories always brighten my day. Tasteless is such a baller
Queen
385 posts
do guys have a nack for talking about their masturbation or something? is there some kind of pride in it? i'm so confused. o_o
Sentry
306 posts
There's no "hidden meaning" or something, it's just a funny story.
Archon
1,373 posts
May 9th 2012, 19:49:17 Quote by p33p
There's no "hidden meaning" or something, it's just a funny story.


Why did you quote that?
If you expand when you attack, your expansion is defended by him !?%$*@*# his pants.
Sentry
306 posts
May 9th 2012, 19:51:32 Quote by Brisingr852
May 9th 2012, 19:49:17 Quote by p33p
There's no "hidden meaning" or something, it's just a funny story.


Why did you quote that?


so that you could ask! 4th grade
Super Moderator ⋅ Battlecruiser
6,309 posts
Day9 thread?
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Queen
385 posts
May 15th 2012, 13:44:26 Quote by stebo88
Day9 thread?
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i never thought watching a guy spin a pen between his fingers for one minute would be so fascinating.

Civilian
67 posts